Chanchi (neato_bandito) wrote,
Chanchi
neato_bandito

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Fire memories

I remember how Micheal and I huddled together on his cramped patio in La Mesa, dazed by the red skies signifying the Cedar Fire. Smoking Misty 120s to spite charred air thicker than cotton from the wafted smoke and heat. We drew meaningless squiggles on the ash carpet with our big toes, blinking against the burn. This was the first year I smoked, the first year out of high school, the first year I drove....the first year without Momma. I can't speak for him but I distanced my mind from the approaching firewaves - and I kept thinking how beautiful the sky was, bloody like heavily layered watercolours, the sun, when visible, a flared pumpkin distorted by heat mirage.

The city is on fire again and I worry more this time around. We were evacuated at work but no one dared whisper the word "evacuation." We were simply "closing for the day." Possibly longer, indicated by the message recorded in our director's voice, informing callers to call us back for assistance "within the next few days."

It has been reported somewhere the fires are thought to reach the actual city of San Diego tomorrow. I see Kaleena read that somewhere too. Fire is my hugest fear too.

My lower abdomen is cramping for no discernible reason. I am strangely anxious and calm.
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Hey Chance, call me...
I used to work with these things...619.772.2501
my mother wants to evacuate to north park, to point loma, but thinking of staying in the city just freaks me out, my mind is racing toward "escape!" while she thinks "... move?" at a snail's place. i can feel the fire moving in on us, have pictured so many times what will happen as these two main fires get married and consume us all...

but there are no open freeways, no escape.

why is nobody else freaking out about this? wait, i have a "panic disorder?"