Chanchi (neato_bandito) wrote,
Chanchi
neato_bandito

Dedicated to the two who know who they are - taken from my myspace blog b/c it should go here too.

When we suddenly disengage from a serious relationship, the separation can be overwhelming. The shock is icy, bringing our better senses to a blistering halt. In the flash freeze, we even forget who we are. Meanwhile, bitterness, anger, and grief flood the emptiness until nothing is left alive - except the ugly parts.

We are hardly recognizable.

After the disaster, it is easy, even natural to allow the ugly parts to govern our actions. War commences between the two people, twice as ugly because it mirrors the worst in each person.

Perhaps we get drawn into this hideous pattern because it so quickly fills the void leftover from the death of "us". We trash talk. Or shriek out the last word with the razor precision we owe to the intimate connection once shared.

The power struggle ensues to survive the traumatizing alienation so that the two people alternate by holding the other's emotional head under the water in a panic to catch a breath. Clear thought is almost laughably impossible while the walls begin to implode on our sense of self.

This narrowness takes precedent, reflected in the fact that we launch into cutting into each other mercilessly. It seems, at the time, the only way to cope with painful alienation, to relieve the asphixiating powerlessness and despair, if we can only make that person understand, FEEL the same agony we do!

But it is not. And THEY DO so our efforts are futile. Anyone with sufficient emotional distance from a hardcore break-up will attest to that.

The truth is that the casualties these actions incur are more damaging than the initial break up itself.

The truth is that both people are left with their own demons, just as nasty as the other's.

Dispel and struggle with those! But don't fight each other in misdirected energies.

Forfeit, walk away, do NOT respond to that last electronic burst of bile. There is a point where it should just be left alone. Yes, it will be a shitstorm to brave but don't give in to another game of "who fucked up more" volley ball where everyone loses.

You will not be alone in this. Your friends will be a shelter, so in the end - eventually - you really will come back out smelling like roses, if not a little worse for wear. The "better senses" will thaw and revive to remind you that this is who you truly are.
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