Chanchi (neato_bandito) wrote,

Yearning to be addicted

"Addiction" does not typically conjure the most sought after states of being to mind. To be sure, its use might even be an inconsiderate means of describing my yearning to write. I want to write so well and so often that its beckoning only competes with nicotine's effect on me. Although, I don't imagine writing has ever been linked to shorter lifespans and cancer.

A teacher once told me I wrote well. Then another, and another - as though the universe was growing impatient waiting for self-realization to illuminate some magical path where creation and destiny mingle.

For some reason, I get tripped up in analysis: What is it to write well? What's so special about what I do? Everyone else can write and many write far better than I could ever hope to accomplish. My brain spins so fast in self doubt, there's a black hole sucking up any semblance of creative energy.

And now my father is drunk, spraying his depressing verbal diarrhea all over me. I can't even finish a thought.
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